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  • Writer's pictureEsther Brownwood

Begin again and again

beginning noun

be·​gin·​ning bi-ˈgi-niŋ


: the point at which something begins : start

It was clear from the beginning that she would win.


: the first part

We missed the beginning of the movie.


No one remembers what the beginning of the feud was.


: a rudimentary stage or early period

—usually used in plural

She came from humble beginnings.

Hello Friends,

I want to start off by wishing you a very Happy New Year! May 2023 bring blessings you cannot even imagine yet! We are beginning a new cycle around the Sun, which is why this month I want to talk about beginnings.

Though we are all aware that these days are no different to the last, it is fun to consider that a new page in the calendar gives an opportunity for a fresh start. Maybe there are things you wish you could have achieved in the past that didn’t quite work out. Maybe you are ready to move on from situations that are holding you back.

Good! As the world tells us, this is the perfect opportunity to buckle down and begin again.

As a person who likes structure, I love the idea of starting something on the First. A clean slate and nothing to live up to yet sounds amazing! It feels like there’s not much to lose, and nowhere to fail.

But as the days progress, the freshness fades. The pressure builds and it gets harder to maintain motivation to continue.

When I begin doing something I genuinely want to do, the feeling I have is overwhelmingly positive. I’m excited about the possibilities the situation might bring. Though what I have found lurking behind that excitement is a voice within, worrying that I will never see my goal through till the end. It makes me feel like if I could just finish the whole project in one go, I would not have to worry about anything. I would have achieved my goals and thus could relax into the knowledge that I succeeded.

But most of these projects or goals we set for ourselves are not ones we can finish in an afternoon. In fact, they’re not something we want to do just to get over with. They’re usually habits or resolutions we actually want to implement into our day-to-day life. So why this heavy feeling?

I have found that for me it is the fear of letting myself down.

Yes, today I have the motivation, but tomorrow I may be a completely different person with different goals. That’s very hard to navigate, as I try to live my life as a person who truly listens and responds to my needs and wants. I am overwhelmed by the feeling that my value is based around my ability to follow through on the goals I set for myself. If I can’t be consistent on a daily basis, it makes me feel like I will never achieve my goals at all.

This voice usually comes up when I am doing exactly what I am afraid I will never get done, while the voice is telling me I will never get it done. -- how backwards is that?

I get too caught up in the notion that I must do this forever, that I forget to appreciate that I’m literally doing it now.

Of course, it’s important to turn to this voice with compassion. It’s here for a reason. Getting to know why is as valuable as completing any goal you could set for yourself. It might be here to teach you something, or if nothing else, to be acknowledged.

The only way to combat this voice is to remember your presence. Ground yourself into where you are right now! Every moment is a new beginning in which you get to choose your journey. You get to wipe the slate clean! Nothing changes from December 31st to January 1st that can’t change from this second to the next!

Seeing “forever” and “beginnings” as subjective concepts, helps connect you to the only reality we have: This present moment! I want to emphasize the fact that beginnings are constant. There is a new day every morning. There is a new moment with every breath. There is a new opportunity with every moment.

So this year, I hope you rejoice in the daily steps you take towards your goals. I hope you have compassion for yourself on days when it seems like you’re stepping backwards. Even if you have a voice a lot like mine telling you it is not enough, I hope you remember that you’re doing it!

All you can do is take small steps from one individual moment to the next. And hey, if tomorrow brings a new beginning instead of a continuation of yesterday's journey: I hope you embrace the flow!

What are you beginning right now? I begin this moment, and all the rest with a big: I love you!

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